The Search

According to this new book that I am reading now, I am suppose to find out what kind of person I am. Things like talents, gifts, personality, temperament and character.

I have never been good at self-evaluating. I always here the words that my mother used on me my whole life. Worthless, no good, etc etc etc

It states that there are three main questions for seek answers for.
1. What is there about me that is unique?
2. What set me apart from everyone else?
3. What can I do that will make a difference in the world?

As for the topics of talents and gifts...
The term gift is not the same as talent. A gift is the ability for doing something and the distinction between talent is that it is a NATURAL ability that needs to be developed.
I know that there are some things that I am "good" at. I will have to create a list of those things and ponder on them further to discover if they are gifts or talents. Photography is one that comes to mind. I know that is a gift since I have never been instructed on how to capture a great photo. I will have to think about the rest of what I do and break it down...please feel free to comment on this area, I have trouble seeing through my abilities because of that annoying voice of repetition of too many years of negativity!

Temperament:
The combination of inherited traits. Your genetic predisposition. Something we have no way of changing.
I have always thought that my "temperament" was how I interacted or reacted. If my temperament is inherited then I am going to asses that I have a lot of the genetics from my dad. I think I have more of the same mentality that he does toward people in general. He is well liked and always a good listener. I will admit that I do have some of the same traits my mother has too though. I am stubborn and I do get cranky from time to time. I am going to conclude that my temperament is a little confusing even to myself. I try to be kind and listen yet, I get impatient and angry sometimes. I will have to pay closer attention to these traits.

Personality:
Who I appear to be. This can be manipulated in your outward appearance by "putting on a mask" to make yourself more attractive or acceptable to others.
The real place in my life that I see this in my personality is the way I dress. When I go out, most of the time I try to make sure that my hair looks nice and I am wearing nice clothes. I know that this is a sort of mask. I try to look "presentable" when confronted with people I do not know. I think that the rest of my personality stays the same whether I am home alone or out with other people.

Character:
You I am when no one else is looking, the real me. Character is influence by temperament and personality, but can only be truly changed by the power of the Holy Spirit.
I think that my character is kind and caring, not to or about myself. I worry about how everyone else is coping with life. I tend to sit around with my "hair" down. Most of the time, you will find me in a pair of sweats and a hooded sweatshirt. I am quiet most of the time and always a little on edge. I have anxiety issues that make it difficult for me to just sit and relax. I also spend alot of time keeping my hands and mind busy. Not always in the most constructive fashion either.

After considering these factors, I have come to realize that these are all things that make me a better a person. Through my temperament, I find the strength to deal with many different people throughout the world with many different menatalities and personalities. I also see now where I have gotten the impatience in my life from and the anxiety issues as well. Through stubborness, I have found determination to make my life better. All of these characteristics to make me become the better person. I need to pay closer attention to the good and stop listening to the negativity, both internal and external.

So, now I will try to answer those three questions from above.
1. What is there about me that is unique?
I have the ability to listen and pay attention to what other people say. I have a kind heart that understands more than most people how painful life can be. Even after a life of tragity, I am still opimistic about my future. I would give of myself to protect an animal from harm. I have the ability to research and develop plans through methodology and a little faith. I can inspire others to become better people, to have faith in themselves and to watch them sore like eagles through life to new and great things without ever asking for anything in return.
2. What set me apart from everyone else?
Having been through so much in my life, one trauma after another, I still have the ability to see the good in everyone and everything. My heart is open to the possibilites of what may come. Even after years of being told that I couldn't and wouldn't ever amount to anything, I still have this capability to politely knock on a door to my future (and there have been a few) and ask for entry.
3. What can I do that will make a difference in the world?
Through the past year and a half, I have discovered a few things that I can do to make a difference. The first is to be optimistic for others, even when they don't want to hear it. To inspire them to think beyond the "box" of life and to expand their horizons to allow the possibility of great things to happen. The second is to work within an industry that needs all the assistance they can get to keep their families alive. By establishing an alternative commodity for the agriculture industry, I will open new doors to local farms who struggle to make ends meet. I can also make a difference by standing up in their defense to government beaucracy. I can make a difference by just doing the right thing and being nice to every individual I cross paths with.
Stop and think for just one moment. Have you ever walked by someone in the store who "appeared" to look angry at the world? Have you ever been in a store, just lost someone important to you that shouldn't have been taken from this world yet? How do you think you looked? Miserable, right? How did it make you feel if someone just smiled at you? Or held the door open for you to come inside from the rain or freezing cold?I know how it makes me feel. Grateful. So why not just take that extra second, make eye contact and smile at someone. So why not hold the door open for someone coming toward a doorway.
This post is definitely long enough....so I will leave it for the rest of the day. Just asking one thing of anyone reading this today...could you please do one random act of kindness for someone who "appears" to be down?