Thursday, January 20, 2011
After contemplating into the night last evening and all day today, I have decided that I can see the specific areas now where God touched my life when I was young. We don't get to choose the environment we are brought up in, it happens for a purpose. We look up to people who protect us and I now know that is why I loved my Grandfather so much. He would always welcome me with open arms and an open lap. He always had some tidbit of knowledge about how people are created different. I remember him trying in his own way to explain to me that I had a life that was good compared to so many others. He had served in WWII and had tons of stories about people in Italy, France and Africa. People who had seen devastation and had lost family during the war. I was fasinated with the people from Africa. He would never become impatient with me when I continually asked one question after another about the Pygmies. Funny to remember that now that he told me how little they had.
A good friend also made a comment to me today that struck a cord as well. She said that people are always at risk for the powers of Satan. It made me realize something very important. My mother, having been raised by a devote Christian, had actually walked away from the faith, hope and love that had been offered to her by God. She had been taken over by evil powers because she lost her connection with God. I will admit, as I child, I think the only time I ever attended church was once or twice when my Grandmother or my aunt took me along. I can not remember a time when my mother ever walk through a set of church doors to attend a service. And....now here is the kicker...the only line I remember from those times in church was the shortest verse in the bible "Jesus wept." John 11:35. There is something else too. I have my mother's bible and the only other thing that is marked by her hand is John 3:5. The verse is actually scribbled out with a ball point pen! Under the ink it reads "Jesus answered, Veryily, Verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Holy Spirit, he can not enter into the kingdom of God."
I could hardly believe my eyes as I read those passages again today. It made me cry to realize that my whole family had suffered because of the simple act of walking away from God. It is right there...marked on the pages in front of me. What more of an answer to my question to I really need?
So, having pondered the passages and the assulting memories of my youth, I have come to the conclusion that the dream that God had for me was for me to become a better person, to not let Satan force me to walk away and for me to discover a better way of life than the one I was raised in. I can hardly believe that His plan was so simple. All of these years since those days, I have struggled with so many things in my life. What to do? Who I really am? What is it I am suppose to do?
The answer for me to yesterday lesson is simple. What to do? Believe that I am loved by God, no matter the circumstances of conditions that were out of my control. Who I really am? I am the daughter of a divine being that created me to share my life with Him, uniquely created just for Him, by Him. What is it I am suppose to do? I am suppose to trust that God knows what is best for me, that His plan for me is of a unique design and that I just need to see the signs and keep my faith in what I know is right and true.
I am honored that God saw fit to show me the answers to the questions that I asked. I will trust in Him to guide me to "refine" on His plan so that I may discover the depth of the plan for my life.